Why indulging in an unspecified “not good enough” statement is toxic, and what to do instead

The toxicity of dwelling on an unspecified “not good enough” statement became clear to me as I reflected on certain aspects of Dr. Joe Dispenza’s third lecture in his “Intense and Progressive Online Course Bundle.” Dr. Joe, for those familiar with him, tends to construct lengthy sentences that can be challenging to follow and comprehend. Although I know about the benefits of long sentences in aiding the development of language skills, it makes listening and comprehending the actual information hard. I know, I know, that’s not nice to say, but it’s true – and God knows that I respect Dr. Joe for his amazing efforts to transform lives. Nonetheless, Dr. Joe is an INFJ, and they tend to do those things. Oh yeah, I know he hates the MBTI model, but it seems that all INFJs share this sentiment. Anyway, INFJs love to exhaustively explain their theories. However, as an ENTJ who loves concepts, structure, and strategy, practicality is still the key to delivering on those theoretical ideas. Sometimes it makes me almost itch.

So, what always happens when he goes on one of his wild rampages about how change happens – or how it does not happen – I need to pause the video. Usually, I listen to him at double speed, yet sometimes he just packs so much wisdom in one long sentence that it’s hard to grasp anything at all after the first 30 seconds. And he knows it. Yeah, he knows it just too well, because after those rampages – and only after those – he always asks the audience “Are you still with me?” Surprisingly enough, it does not matter if they say something or nothing; he proceeds. So, I learned that when it happens and I start to lose sight of the insights he’s trying to convey, I pause the video and turn to my calm, quiet, and patient journal, which waits for me to put his knowledge into my own words. I need to translate his wisdom into my language. And it’s truly worthwhile to do so, as I know I got it right when I can articulate the ideas in my own words.

Now, allow me to clarify what I have learned from his passionate speech on how to release one’s old self.

Repeating the same thoughts, emotions, and actions is like revisiting our old selves. This Self existed in the past and created these experiences back then. Some of them were stored unconsciously to help us function on autopilot or protect us from “harm”. Hence, doing the same things over and over will essentially just be us reliving the past again, which is a waste of time and energy as we have already lived that reality once. In simpler terms, it means being stuck in the past

There are a few reasons why someone might be stuck in the past:

  1. It’s familiar and comfortable.
  2. There is an emotional and chemical addiction to it. Emotions trigger a chemical release in the body, and we become addicted to them, regardless of whether they are good or bad for our health.
  3. Re-experiencing old feelings, including fears, allows us to recognize ourselves and feel at ease.

The past that we relive is always a memory – an event with a strong emotional attachment. However, once we release the emotional charge associated with that event, we essentially gain wisdom. While memory holds emotions and hence a potential addiction, wisdom has no such side effect as there will be no physical response triggered by emotions. No chemicals will be released. That frees us from our past.

I love that.

And immediately, the wheels in my head turned faster, and one of my examples came up. I’ve been hooked on negative emotions, like stress, for eons. I find myself repeatedly revisiting similar thought patterns on certain topics and hence unleashing harmful chemical substances (cortisol) within me. These substances are harmful because I don’t need a fight or flight response, which stress causes. I will not run, nor will I hide. Contact stress is like constantly running away from the predator while never actually running and getting the chemicals out of the system…

But Dr. Joe not only explains to me what happens but also delivers the solution. One can become truly dependent on one’s negative feelings, or rather, the concoction of chemicals they produce. To break free, become still, focus on becoming nothing except consciousness to enter the Quantum field, and create your desired reality. After that, come back to 3D reality, and live that new version as if you were it already. Stop yourself if you fall back into an old pattern and repeat until this new pattern replaces the old (subconscious) pattern.

Great, I’m all in.

However, to break the pattern, I first need to see it. I need clarity on it, and I need a strategy for how to interrupt emotional thought patterns when they occur. For me, that is logic.

I remember when I worked on the topic of stress release last year. Although I didn’t understand it from Dr. Joe’s perspective at the time, I experienced anxiety when I had absolute calmness and harmony in my surroundings. I began to feel inexplicably uneasy and restless. This defied logic, but back then, the emotion was strong, and I didn’t know what was happening to me because calmness should bring about relaxation and not restlessness. Looking at it through Dr. Joe’s lens, I understand that it was just an addiction to my old self. My old subconscious programming told me that something was missing, and that thing was cortisol, but the missing part was not something I consciously wanted. Back then, I was just left with feeling through it. I supported myself through movements like dancing, stretching, and going to the gym. But now, I remind myself that it is just old programming, which is almost like scam – trying to make me fall for a false belief.

Armed with this newfound wisdom, I decided to confront something new and toxic within me. So, I chose two other negative thought patterns that have been plaguing me for a long while now. These two patterns have proven to be pretty persistent over the years, and despite putting a lot of effort into it, I have only made some small improvements along the way. Hence, I was more eager to apply my newfound Dr. Joe knowledge to them. Don’t be shocked to hear something so fond of myself, but I learned through Brene Brown’s book “Daring Greatly” that we all want to share ourselves but are too scared, too fearful, too ashamed to do so. Well, I tell you something, let’s just be bold – at least this one time 😉 and I can only hope sharing my newfound wisdom will help you to create the desired change in your life.

Quite recently, I found myself in tears regarding topic one. I hate to admit it, but this is because I despise crying. Fortunately (and unfortunately), I rarely cry, only about once a year. The aftermath of crying, with its pounding headache, is, in my opinion, worse than the worst hangover from a bottle of Goose. So, whenever I do cry, it motivates me to work ten times harder to eliminate the cause of my headache, uhm yeah, the cause of my tears. Therefore, choosing these ugly, repeating emotions was the perfect opportunity to apply Dr. Joe’s wisdom.

The nagging, negative emotion that I sought to explore, and release was “feeling unworthy of love.”

Using parts of his approach, I started with clarity first, because I function better when I know what’s going on. Now, I know that my negative feelings, which seem to consume me, are just a chemical reaction – an addiction. Overcoming that feeling will be a challenge, just as daring to do an extreme workout would be. It will be uncomfortable, yes, but it will never again defeat me because it’s just a ghost of the past. With that intention, I sat down and started to journal my discussion with myself to start disempowering the emotional brain with logical arguments.

To begin with, I asked myself two questions that support Dr. Joe’s theory of discontinuing the old and creating a new state of mind to which the body (animal) will have to surrender:

  1. What memory and emotion make me feel unworthy of love? (To discontinue indulging in the past and release the same old toxic chemical mixture.)
  2. How can I feel worthy of love? (To create a new state of mind that reinforces new, good feelings, hence will release a new, good chemical mixture.)

This was immediately followed by contemplation of what it feels like to be worthy of love and how individuals who feel this worthiness perceive themselves. It occurred to me that they likely do not question their worthiness at all. They simply exist in a state of worthiness. They just are. I compared it to my being bold which I recently explained: When I am bold, I do not entertain thoughts of the opposite, hence fear. Fear is not even on my mind, nor is the idea of being bold enough to overcome fear. I am just bold. My focus is solely on taking the necessary steps to achieve my desires, solving problems, and making progress toward my goals. That’s all there is to it, and I am sure you have a similar strong story for at least one characteristic.

My first main takeaway is that I must stop questioning whether I deserve love. Instead of dwelling on feelings of unworthiness, I will focus on attracting the love of my life and surrounding myself with people who love me as fiercely as I love them. Even if I haven’t fully experienced this kind of love yet, I will refrain from entertaining thoughts of unworthiness or worthiness. By doing so, I can avoid triggering any negative emotions or chemical responses associated with these thoughts (I guess that’s what Esther Hicks refers to as “getting off the topic”). At least that is what I do when I am bold. I concentrate solely on taking the necessary steps to achieve my desires, without dwelling on fear.

Applying this mindset to my concerns about deserving love, I need to feel loved. I need to acknowledge the fact that I can feel it without feeling fear.

But why do I feel fear here and not when I aim to be bold?

The answer is just that my belief is different. I firmly believe that no matter what challenges come my way, I can overcome them. This unwavering belief – knowing – in my capabilities eliminates any sense of fear within me. However, when it comes to matters of love, I find myself experiencing fear.

So, why do I feel fear? Why do I feel unworthy?

Such an internal conflict usually triggers an internal debate – yes, a debate – between my emotional and logical minds. It’s as if two distinct personalities within me start to engage in a discussion. Apparently, these two guys do live in two different areas of my brain (prefrontal cortex and amygdala). The Emotional Me (we will call it EM) tends to whine and complain, and the Logical Me (LM) often just rolls its eyes at the drama queen and disarms her with logical arguments. I can tell you from experience that the older and deeper the emotion, the more often the EM wins, and sometimes the LM doesn’t even make it to the surface. However, I would never give up, and with Dr. Joe’s wisdom, I feel more empowered to engage the LM and EM in a debate today until I reach emotional freedom. Another win for my new Self.

Let’s go. “So, why do I feel fear? Why do I feel unworthy?”

EM: I fear rejection. I fear that I will not be good enough for him.

LM: Why does it matter if this one particular person approves of you or not? Maybe the next person will approve of you.

EM: Maybe I don’t want the next person.

LM: Well, then the NextNext… You just keep going until someday one of the guys you select “approves” of you and who you are, confirming that you are worthy of him, and he is worthy of you. It’s a typical win-win situation, and that’s what we usually go for.

EM feels threatened by the logic and starts to whine, and my throat physically tightens. Why does this happen? I am unable to speak.

LM: Are you afraid of speaking the truth? But you spoke your truth with Mr. CFO easily – and it felt normal and neutral. New rejections will never be like the rejection back then with your family. You had little choice, and you didn’t choose it. It was a win-lose relationship regarding acceptance, yet a win on wisdom. Maybe it was a great win-win in total for learning. For sure, it was a win-win in wisdom.

LM: So, why do you feel unworthy of a win-win love relationship?

EM is taken aback by that logical phrase. EM thinks, “What can I say to that? Win-win is good for both sides. Why should one not accept feeling good, except if I were afraid of the good…”

EM, feeling sad and defeated: Do I have enough to offer to become a “win”?

LM: It depends on whom you ask. You may be “not good enough” as a slave for your entire family to follow their rules and demands. However, for example, you may be enough for your children as a fiercely loving and protective mother, and a fighter for their well-being, and hence for him, as the mother of his children.

EM lets negative emotions slide because it feels good to have positive traits.

LM: You may be “not good enough” for your false friends because they can’t exploit you if you are not an obedient people-pleaser if you don’t keep yourself small enough to keep their jealousy in check, or if they don’t want to accept a changed you. But you are good enough as a creator and loyal fighter for your pack, your soul tribe.

EM feels. It feels really good to be so well-received and welcomed.

LM: “Worthiness” is subjective (aka win-win). Just because I was not enough for some blood-related shifters, does not mean it’s always for everyone like that.

EM regains hope: Well, I don’t want to be a slave, that’s true. It feels better to be free. I was never good enough to be a slave, no matter how hard I tried. I was too smart and too intuitive, whatever, all my life. I felt that I fit in – with them.

LM: So, let’s bring it to the right people (subjects) who want you – the “you” as you are. That one who feels good and empowered.


  • Am I enough for me? Hell yes, I think I’m awesome. I have learned a lot about life, developed my brain, and worked hard to become the person that I am today. I really like and appreciate the person I have become.
  • Am I enough for my clients? Hell yes! They love my hardworking, fun, problem-solving self. I rock at work.
  • Am I enough for my sisters/cousins/…? Yes and no, …
  • Am I enough for my future lover? Yes and no. No, for the guys who do not see you as a win-win, you will not be enough. But we will not focus on them. Hence, yes, for the right ones.

EM tests its new hope: Okay, I see that I deserve a win-win. Well, that is the definition of a win-win, so there’s nothing to argue about. However, will I ever meet someone who is satisfied with me and whom I will be satisfied with?

LM: Yes, statistically speaking, at some point, I will meet men from the “yes” group. It is a must. The likelihood is strictly over 0.

EM is silent.

LM: Coming back to the topic of feeling unworthy of love, can you explain how that manifested? Because I think

  • “Am I enough for love?” It’s an even bigger “hell yes” than the other answers because if Love were a person, it would love everyone unconditionally. Hence, if all people are enough for Love’s love, then I am enough for its love. Hell yes!

EM: Eyes wide and mouth hanging open at the “If love were a person” argument.

LM: So, logically speaking, how can I or anyone else be unworthy of love?

EM/LM: LOL. I think I got myself. It’s impossible by definition, and for everything else, it’s either a win-win or not. I opt out of all win-lose situations. By the law of math, a win-win must show up with a progressing number of experiments. Therefore, we send lim N -> infinity, and it becomes true.

EM starts to convince itself emotionally: Okay, so I guess it’s just bad semantics. Like ‘not good enough.’ What the f*. Good enough for what exactly? Breathing, eating, pooping? Not good for whom – him? Well, that’s his bad. Next, because this wouldn’t be a win-win, and I only play win-win games. So, let’s move on.

And I did. The emotional charge was dropped. The interesting thing was that when the negative emotion was dropped, a void started to appear. It was like the space where the old belief was stored was now empty. It felt weird, to say the least, but I reminded myself that there is now space to create something new, to store a new way of responding – thinking, feeling, and acting. I’m sure I made some new neuronal connections, as Dr. Joe might have explained, and these created that new space, which will be filled with the future.

With that, I left my journal and started meditating. Other days followed, and I purposely triggered the old feeling by reading some romances or listening to some love tarot readings. Each time it comes up, I remind myself of my logical discussion and breathe the old chemical addiction away (I call it my emotional resilience game). And guess what? I’m winning at it because I am prepared, prepared by meditating like a guru.

In the meantime, I am finding myself not negatively triggered but excited to meet the man I will cherish and love. It sounds very romantic, yeah, but let me tell you, it’s not. I just replaced an old program with a new one which triggers a healthy chemical mix instead of a toxic one. Less romantic, I know. Nonetheless, true.

This type of conversation in my head or journal is common for me, but I have a similar exchange with my clients when we face and discuss their goals and fears. As Dr. Joe explains, we cling to our past selves and relentlessly attempt to uphold them to feel comfortable. So, breaking through those old patterns is key. I prefer my logical mindset and an optimistic attitude that favors the infinite opportunities of the Quantum Field, rather than dwelling on the past and keeping something up and running that is not only outdated but also toxic. For others, it might be different; however, the process is clear, as Dr. Joe states. You must recondition the body to a new mind. You must meditate, not visualize, but sense the desired outcome first before the event occurs. You must connect to the quantum field (becoming no one, no body, no mind), where all creation lies to establish that self. Then, when you come back to reality, you must keep your New Self alive, which is the hardest part. You must stop the old and replace it with something new: the new self.

We create our reality by thought alone.

P.S. If you ever use “not good enough” thinking/feeling again, make sure to be as specific as possible. When you look at it from a different perspective, through a new lens, you will realize that this particular thought only comprises a tiny bit of the truth. And such a realization can change everything.


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