Complaining is like yelling “I don’t like you!” at 3D clay – already formed and hardened (for more on this analogy, refer to this article). Yet, we still do it. Complaining is simply the result of a past or current state of consciousness – meaning, yes, it’s ultimately our own doing. I know, hearing that for the first time sucks. I get you. In the beginning, I rejected that idea too. What about Mary, my neighbor, who makes all that noise? Or my colleague who’s just a terrible teammate? Or my boss… oh, let’s not even start with them. If we go down that road, you’ll never hear the end of it.
If you need a reminder of who the creator of your reality truly is, check out my article “Everyone Is You Pushed Out.” Otherwise, accept (as I had to) that complaints are a form of victimhood. I know it’s not easy to accept immediately, but stay with me for another minute or two.
Why We Humans Like to Complain?
Let’s be honest about why we complain: It’s easier to shift responsibility. Pointing to others for an unpleasant situation feels much lighter than taking ownership ourselves. It also provides quick relief. Complaining gives a fleeting sense of comfort rather than requiring us to change our inner state of consciousness. And it’s kind of contagious. Ever had a good gossip-and-complain session with your office buddies? It almost feels fun. And no, not only women gossip – men do it too; they just call it something else. But once the fun fades, we’re left with the same reality we created in the first place.
Looking within
Now that we understand that our 3D reality is merely a reflection of our state of consciousness, we must look within and analyze. A “mean boss” doesn’t simply exist out there – it’s a reflection of a belief we hold: maybe we think authority figures are always harsh, or that work must be unpleasant. Whatever the cause, there’s always a belief within us shaping the outcome. To change your 3D reality, examine what created it in the first place. As the old saying goes: Know thyself.
Step One: Catch Yourself Complaining. A good starting point is to notice when you start complaining. Yes, complaining can feel relieving briefly, but a continuous habit keeps you stuck in the same state of consciousness. When you catch yourself, recall that it’s illogical. You are the creator of your reality. Complaining about the formed clay (the 3D world) changes nothing. You need to communicate with the potter, your inner self, to shape a new result.
Step Two: Become the Observer. Make it a daily practice to observe where, when, and why you slip from Creator to Complainer. Ask yourself: What triggers my complaints? About whom or what am I complaining? Is this a pattern across all my bosses, or just this one? Could this reflect general dissatisfaction in other areas of my life? When you answer honestly, you’ll likely uncover a belief – or a whole belief system – that keeps you stuck in a victim mentality.
Maintaining Awareness
Slipping between states of consciousness happens easily. It’s normal – 3D reality can feel fully immersive, like using virtual reality glasses. But we must “wake up” afterward and decide which beliefs we want to keep and which to discard. Here’s how to practice awareness:
- In the moment: When you start complaining, pause. Breathe. Step away if needed. Reflect later on which belief was active and release or replace it.
- At the end of each day: Review your day. Notice habitual complaints – mental or spoken. Enter a relaxed state, rewrite the scenes as you’d prefer them, feel into the new version, and identify which shift in consciousness it requires.
- At the end of each week: Spend time reviewing your experiences. Revise the “formed clay” of your week – the manifested 3D outcomes you disliked. Then, communicate with your inner potter to shift your state of consciousness and create new experiences.
Imagine you’ve had a falling-out with an old friend. You haven’t spoken in a while, but now you’re consciously revising your 3D reality. Mentally revisit the moment, not to relive it but to understand what drove your actions. Maybe you ghosted them. Ask why. Did they trigger something in you? Or did you hold a belief about how they had to react, thus manifesting that behavior? (See also my article on Shadow Work.) Let’s say it was the latter – you expected them to react negatively, and they did. Now, from your expanded awareness, you can change that projection and shift into a reality where they reflect your new assumption about them. That’s not magic. You’ve experienced it before: meeting an old friend years later and finding them completely different – maybe more confident, gentler, calmer. They haven’t “changed” per se; you have. Your shift in consciousness has aligned you with a version of reality where they’ve always been that way. That’s why, in hindsight, you can barely remember why you ever thought Peter was such an… well, you know. 😉
So, if you notice yourself complaining – whether as a daily habit or just occasionally – recognize it as a symptom of victim mentality. Catch yourself. Change the belief. And create a new reality.
